Who’s Been Sleeping In My Bed? (And trolling my email?) #RussellTovey

Today’s entry is really little more than another attempt to get a literary agent and Russell Tovey – not necessarily in that order and not that either seems – at this point – particularly likely – BUT SOON IT WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY, so, a man’s gotta dream.

My BOYFRIEND, Russell Tovey

My BOYFRIEND, Russell Tovey

Last night, long around half past just enough wine and debauchery to make me feel like the heavily foreshadowed late mid-section of a minor Paul Bowles story, I sent out a text and an email to a few of my closest and dearest friends, the purpose of which action was to suggest we make a MegaBus day trip to see Jason Robert Brown’s new Broadway musical, The Bridges of Madison County (CLICK HERE FOR LINK), and Terrence McNally’s new Broadway play, Mothers and Sons (CLICK HERE FOR LINK), starring Tyne Daly and Bobby Steggert, the latter of whom happens to be from Frederick and for who’s closing night of the musical, Big Fish, one of these Tweeted/emailed closest and dearest and I sat in the front row, weeping, and before and after the show and during intermission had Tweeted our love and support at Mr. Steggert and Big Fish, relentlessly, to which Big Fish responded, although Mr. Steggert ignored us, despite which fact I STILL want to see this new show and I want to see it with my friends and I want to do it during my birthday month.

However, that almost 200 word sentence is NOT the point of this entry. The point is, this morning, having avoided the tragic-end of a Paul Bowles short story (well, today anyway) and continuing along the arc of inevitable declension into spiritual and emotional desuetude as required in a Jane Bowles story, thus living to sort-of see, half-numbed, another day, I began my morning web troll only to be confronted assaulted accosted greeted abused met by ads EVERYWHERE for the shows I’d mentioned in my Tweet and email.

My HUSBAND, Russell Tovey

My HUSBAND, Russell Tovey

So creepy. But you know me, Mr. Positive. If every email and Tweet I write and every website I visit is going to be mined for my personal information so that I might be better marketed to, well then, I shall have to make CERTAIN that I supply information that will ultimately result in me being confronted assaulted accosted greeted abused met by ads and content in which I am really interested. So . . . here goes . . .

  • Oh, look friends; I have managed to get enough jobs that I STILL HAVE TIME TO WRITE (and debauch) and yet ALSO HAVE ENOUGH STEADY INCOME TO AFFORD MY OWN LITTLE HOME SOMEWHERE!

    My lover, Russell Tovey, after one more satisfying and exhausting session of passionate sex

    My lover, Russell Tovey, after one more satisfying and exhausting session of passionate sex

  • Oh, look friends; really hot twenty-something guys are throwing their naked selves at me as if I were gay-famous like EDMUND WHITE or TENNESSEE WILLIAMS or MICHAEL CUNNINGHAM (an advance copy of his new novel, The Snow Queen, would be GREAT! Or, you know, even, if I too could get cozied up to JAMES FRANCO like he did – yeah, James Franco being my sexy graduate student straight-boy fuck-buddy would be REALLY GREAT! Me getting to see James Franco naked because he so admired my writing PUBLISHED after I got that LITERARY AGENT and SO MANY BLOG FOLLOWERS and everyone wanted my spin on the CULTURAL ZEITGEIST, right? Which got me James Franco’s dick? RIGHT? Okay – Evan Peters, then?) or PAUL and JANE BOWLES.
  • Oh, look friends; this time when I go to see Mothers and Sons, Bobby Steggert Tweeted me back, or, you know, acknowledged I was alive.

    My long-distance lover-husband-boyfriend who hasn't met me yet, Russell Tovey, keepng me happy with Twit-Pics

    My long-distance lover-husband-boyfriend who hasn’t met me yet, Russell Tovey, keepng me happy with Twit-Pics

  • Oh, look friends; ATTRACTIVE BIG PENISES. AND MID-PRICED BOTTLES OF RED WINE! (I had to. A man has to debauch. SPEAKING OF WHICH – James Franco and Evan Peters would be great – REALLY – but, on further contemplation, if I’m going to be presented offers for things and people about which I write – I have this to say: RUSSELL TOVEY. RUSSELL TOVEY. RUSSELL TOVEY NAKED. RUSSELL TOVEY HAVING SEX WITH ME. RUSSELL TOVEY IN LOVE WITH ME. RUSSELL TOVEY STALKING ME. RUSSELL TOVEY INFINITY. RUSSELL TOVEY AND CHARLIE SMITH DATING AND HAVING THREE-WAYS WITH DOMINIC COOPER. )

Okay, do something with those, you web-trolling-personal-communication-data-mining-bots. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE ADS!

Happy weekend.

Enough (Part 2) Call me GAY GUEVARA!

As I Tweeted last night:

This religionist anti-gay anti-sex anti-woman stand-your-ground& hunt black young men BULLSHIT is turning me into REVOLUTIONARY GAY GUEVARA.

Hate Is Not Holy

These christianist crackpots are wearing on my last nerve. I continue to be furious. And depressed. And wonder, now, if the two are related, and, too, if it is not brought on by constant exposure to the lunatic fringe of religionist bigots gone wild. And, too, further exacerbated by this attitude of expectations that I will (or anyone should) display backward gratitude for being granted permission to be human by the heterosexist-white-male ruling class-power structure.

Fuck that noise. I’m not thanking ANYONE for their condescending to decline to encode my 2nd class citizenry into law. Fuck that and fuck anyone hiding their hate behind religious freedom screeds. And fuck anyone who for one second imagines they can or have the right to belittle me with laws. In the words of Erin Gloria Ryan from Twitter: “I’m about as impressed with Jan Brewer vetoing the gay discrimination bill as I am with every adult who refrains from punching babies.”

Ex-fucking-actly. Of course, between this and the Texas ruling saying not allowing gays to marry is unconstitutional, the god-goons are sliming out in force; a few examples:

AssHoles And  look at this quote:

“This ruling by unelected federal Judge Orlando Garcia is the most egregious form of judicial activism of our generation. This hollow victory and clear attack on morality and the rule of law will not stand in Texas. The fight for marriage is far from over. This is just the beginning of an epic battle that the Texas people will ultimately win in name of the only true and lawful definition of marriage: one man, one woman.” – Texas Values president Jonathan Saenz, via press release.

And those are just two of the milder examples. rush limbaugh went bozo-crazy-bongo-batshit about it, all bellicose blustering with the rad-iculous right’s new spin connoting human rights and decency with the agenda of the  “jackbooted homofascist lobby” and its “bullying” ways – AND, their newest bold-faced-lying harangue topic, that Matthew Shepard’s death was NOT a hate crime and he brought it on himself (READ IT HERE) – this is a whole NEW level of the slut-shaming they usually reserve for – you know – the women they hate (that would be ALL women). Wow.  Poor haters. Such a hard time lately finding ways to make your hate-homophobia-sexism-classism-racism look reasonable. Why, just in the past few weeks we’ve had Mr. Sam and Mr. Collins happily and joyously buttfucking and cocksucking their way into pro sports locker rooms; and anti-gay-hate-legislation in Texas ruled unconstitutional; and now teabaggingpartying queen, brewer, vetoes Arizona-hate-bill.

Take heart, haters. Apparently you can still legally hunt young black men in Florida. Maybe you should all move there and enthrone cruz as your ruler and nugent as your court jester.

I’m done being polite about these nutballs. I am done listening to it be termed a “victory” when the fact that everyone deserves basic human rights and dignity is acknowledged. I am done pretending that these so-called christians are entitled to hate because they cite a fictional tome as basis, and EVEN THEN, selectively cite it in selective and expurgated translation without honest contextual analysis.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again, your bible was no more written by god than was The Wizard of Oz written by Dorothy; and that Jesus you are so fond of using as excuse for your hate is no more a real person than the Wicked Witch of the West. Now, look, as far as I am concerned, you are perfectly free to base YOUR life and behavior on any novel you choose; but you don’t get to LEGISLATE it, or excuse your shoddy behavior by citing it. You don’t see me saying that only people who wear blue gingham dresses get to fully enjoy citizenship, do you? NO. So, fuck you and get over yourselves and shut the fuck up and move to Florida.

And because I can, and because sites that do get more hits, here’s my selection of half-naked men for the day. Feb 23 2014 COLOR 5 Feb 23 2014 COLOR 6 Feb 23 2014 COLOR Feb 25 jan 24 3 jan 24 8 jan 24 9 jan 24 oct 31 2013 2


Feb 25 2It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to sustain my sense of worth and self while living the particular kind of lonely in which I’ve been living for the last twenty-five years; increasingly difficult to see others achieve publication and agenting and financial success while experiencing the kind of struggles with which I have long been struggling; increasingly difficult to have boosted and bolstered and hoisted and hefted and held-strong for many others, and still hear so often, “Charlie, could you . . . ” and so rarely, “Charlie, what if I . . . ”

I’m tired. Really tired. Heading to the gym. Going to try to run it off.


Rainbow Notes: Being Joey … (Luft, that is)

My niece recently told me that she has recently experience a huge “popularity bump” because of me. Her peer group thinks it’s uber-cool that she lives with a (crazy) gay uncle. I intuited the unspoken (crazy) – my niece would never use a label, any label, on anyone, well, perhaps her younger brother. In any event, in an effort to maintain my cred as house homo, resident radical, local loon, I have decided to regularly recount Rainbow Notes; light-hearted, good-time, old-and-new-school remarkings, snarkings, barkings and larkings concerning the tropes of Queer Culture from the erastes and eromenos of ancient Greece to the mod-day diversions of Grindr and “It Gets Better.”

This is all – mind you – an excuse for me to write regularly about Judy Garland without shame. And thus, at the Oscar ceremony this coming Sunday a 75th Anniversary salute to The Wizard of Oz is being scheduled and holy Oscar Fucking Wilde, not just Lorna Luft, not just Liza with a Z (not Lisa with an S, cuz Lisa with an S goes SSS not ZZZ), but ALL THREE OF JUDY’S KIDS – including the almost NEVER seen nor heard from JOEY LUFT – are part of the tribute. I AM RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS! Read the story here at The Hollywood Reporter.

Watch this clip from The Judy Garland show in which Frances Ethel Gumm sings to her son:

And, to add to my recent (as in, yesterday) rant (CLICK HERE TO READ IT – and see naked basketball players!) about Alec Baldwin’s “forgot to check my privilege” screaming fit, click here for a great link to Noah Michelson’s Open Letter to Alec Baldwin. I would especially like the friends of my niece who have been raised in mostly hetero-normative/white privilege and think I’m cool (but a token) and who continue to use words like (I apologize for even typing these)  “bitch” and “nigga” and “faggot” and “gai-bois” as casual patois, to read this and understand why THEY SHOULD STOP USING THOSE WORDS.

Tyler Poset being an ass.

Tyler Poset being an ass.

Speaking of foolish youngsters (and oldsters) using thoughtless language and allowing homophobia to invade their thoughts (not that my own internalized acculturated homophobia doesn’t still get the best of me sometimes), Tyler Posey, once the lead of MTV’s incredibly homo-erotic and queer-centric remake of Teen Wolf until he was replaced in the fan’s hearts by the remarkable Dylan O’Brien, recently started an uproar by his careless disdain for those fans (me included) who are Sterek-obsessed. If you don’t know what that means, this Rainbow Note doesn’t apply to you, so skip ahead.  I’m sure it must rankle Posey that O’Brien has become a cult-figure, gotten leads in huge films, and seems to be taking off in ways that Posey is not as an actor. Still, that is no reason to denigrate the interests of what is obviously a huge fan-base, a fan-base powerful enough to get O’Brien made into the main character this season – and, worse, to do so using language that has long been “coded” as anti-Queer. Think before you speak, Posey. (And everyone else.)

And, finally, I’ve been the gay uncle for four decades now, a couple of generations’ worth of uncle-ing it up, and long ago I was – once – even a gay godfather (not in the gay mafia sort of way that Alec Baldwin derides, but, rather, in the actual baptismal font in a Catholic church way) for my fabulous nephew, yep, Joe. Joe is the nephew who now works at the White House and gave me a private tour one day ( READ ABOUT IT HERE). YES, HE DOES. I have BEGGED and PLEADED with him to keep the gig until Hillary gets there, because I HAVE GOT TO MEET HER. He laughed. In fear. Because, you know, when you work in the White House, sometimes having a CRAZY gay uncle is not quite as beneficial as it is when in high school. LOL. When I was still singing, I always meant to sing Happiness is Just A Thing Called Joe, as did Ms. G in the above clip – but, I never did.

tin man cropDamn. Don’t get me started on things I should have done and songs I should have sung (which was the name for my aborted cabaret evening – alas) because I will turn into melancholy baby, and, frankly, already uncomfortably close today. Later, heading over the rainbow – meaning, to the locker room and sauna at the gym in search of the TinMan.

Later . . . oh, and watch out for that bicycle riding harridan . . .

Nothing but NET (basketball, neutrality, and nutcases)

NET THING ONE: That gay basketball stuff

Yes, Jason Collins was signed by and played for the Brooklyn Nets making him the first active, openly gay player in pro sports. Woo-hoos in order indeed.

Still, not to be paranoid, but I’ve been around long enough to know how these sorts of things go and I worry that if openly gay men start getting signed by pro athletic teams, we’ll be forced to start allowing openly straight men in musical theatre.

And, frankly, I don’t want gay men to start influencing sports too much, because, you know, we’ll make it all interesting and exciting and next thing you know:

basketball naked 2 Basketball naked Blurred

– I’ll be forced to watch.

NET THING 2: That neutrality/Comcast and Verizon are about to ruin our lives some more thing

Once upon a time … not that long ago, a person couldn’t access endless, uninterrupted hours of bootleg television, movies, theatre, and most-important, blowjobs and bukkake on one’s laptop and cellphone. The on-line experience was about waiting (and waiting and waiting and…) for sites and images to load. And videos? Forget it. A person had to have a “convenient-to-you-but-unlikely-to-be-accessed-by-others” spot in which to store the porn to which one turned for companionship and fun.

Then dial-up died and we said good-bye to that ubiquitous sound of AOL connecting (well, and AOL, mostly, although I am still Luddite enough to have kept that email address) and we went to broadband heaven. It was never going to last.

Welcome to hell.

It was January when a federal court struck down net neutrality, which, long/short, means that companies willing (and able) to pay broadband providers blackmail ransom fees to receive preferential treatment will see their content being streamed quickly and instantly, while those unwilling (or unable) to do so – you know, little bloggers using free sites – like me – and random porn-channelers – will find their content not loading, or, loading at such an antiquated, dial-up like pace as to lose every click and view it might get because no-one used to insta-loads (ha-ha-ha, I said “loads” in a porn story) will be willing to wait for content.

Like I said, hell. And don’t you know, I got rid of all my hard(so to speak)copy porn.

And speaking of broadband and net-neutrality hell issues; I have become crazy-man (shut up) about pop-up ads and force-you-to watch 15 to 30 second vids before being taken to the content you want. I have stopped visiting Salon at all because of this. I have backed off YouTube because of it. And this morning, reading about NetFlix agreeing to pay Comcast (the devils taking us back to hell – along with Verizon, mark my words) to give them preferential streaming – I was assaulted on Gawker/Gizmodo by an ad.

Calling Dante.

I mean, I knew it was too good to be true, but, really? With the amount of money we are monthly paying to access content – as in our phone and wi-fi and cable providers (oh wait, would that be Comcast and Verizon again?) raising rates at levels outpacing healthcare costs, how is it that the service is continuing to become less and less consumer friendly? Oh, right, CAPITALISM.

Like any drug, at first they make it cheap and easy to get and use, then, once you are hooked, they screw the shit out of you.

NET THING 3: I may be a little bit crazy but . . .

… I got nothing on Alec Baldwin. And his screedy-ranting in New York Magazine is just exactly the sort of proof of internalized, acculturate homophobia I have been talking about in this blog SINCE I STARTED WRITING. Alec, trying to prove he’s not homophobic, lashes out and attacks the homos with all sorts of coded talk about mafia and cabals and implications of hidden agendas. You see? He pretended – claimed – convinced himself how NOT-homophobic he was FOR AGES, the whole, “I have gay friends” etc thing, but when life’s going got tough for him and he needed to step up and own those friendships and examine his own behavior and make hard choices – BAM – throw the fags and dykes under the bus.

LISTEN – I have had this VERY EXPERIENCE in my own life with people Baldwin-esque, who claimed to love me, claimed to adore me, claimed to be friend, claimed to be open-minded and horrified by homophobia, who, all along, thought their so-called homo-positivity was  a badge they’d won, something for which they deserved a prize and praise – BUT WHEN THE GOING GOT TOUGH, and they needed to examine their behavior and make some inconvenient choices in support of me – under the bus went this fag, code talk, “oh he’s crazy” etc innuendo, on and on.

If your pet homos are that disposable to you (including the ones in your family) then – guess what – you’re NOT so homo-positive.

Yeah. Well, maybe – like I said – I am a little crazy – but if anyone needs to be caught in a net, it’s the hypocrites and haters who pose as human-positive and then revert to the easy patois of hate and cliché when it’s convenient for them; let’s gather THEM up (and they know who they are – and when they read or hear stuff like this they get all – you know – accusatory and pissed off and say “He’s crazy” or “He’s impossible” or start with the stories about – you know – pick a coded innuendo, any coded innuendo -) and send them to HELL – as in – that circle create by Comcast and Verizon where their music videos, television shows, bootleg movies, music videos, and porn NEVER EVER LOAD.

Bwah-ha-ha! I’ll contact Elton John, Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen Degeneres, and the other members of the HomoMafia Board of Directors to get this taken care of.

Hate is NOT a family value (Unless you’re MORMON or in the NFL)

If you’re wondering what homophobia looks like, let me help you. This is one version:

God Hates Fags

But it’s not REALLY the one that worries me the most. Check these out, and these are just two of the dozens I saw this week.

Greg Ellis, Homophobe and Sexist

Greg Ellis, Homophobe and Sexist

Greg Ellis, who was once a Dallas Cowboy, did an interview with ESPN in which he voiced his concern about showering with gay men. (CLICK HERE to read on Towelroad about the interview.) My favorite movement in the moron symphony – though, granted, he approaches Mozart levels of genius when it comes to being a bigoted idiot – was the following (Bolding and emphasis mine):

People who’ve never been in an NFL shower room, not just locker room, it’s a open room. We don’t have private curtains. It’s just an open-form shower, so everybody sees each in the nude. Well if you’re looking at men as if you’re looking at women or vice versa, how are those guys to receive that? I don’t know. I don’t know how they will receive that. But I do know it would be a situation where I would go to the coach and try to work something out to say, ‘Obviously this is going to be a problem. What can we do? The kid can help us play, can help us win football games. We need him on the team. But this situation right here, we need to do something.

Yes, well, and so, not only have you mindlessly allowed yourself to be inculcated with homophobic-hetero-normative-cultural-brainwashing, but you have also swallowed whole the presumptive-sexist-rape-culture is okay mind-fucking as well.

You are allowed – expected and assumed, even – to look at and ogle women in a sexual way, and that is okay and approved. But, if another male turns around and looks at you in that way, then, THERE IS A PROBLEM.

That this sort of “reporting” and hate-speech goes on and passes into the conversation WITHOUT ANYONE QUESTIONING THE UNDERLYING SOCIAL AND CULTURAL FLAWS IN THINKING  just makes me CRAZY!

This is what a bigot and homophobe looks like. Kathryn Skaggs

This is what a bigot and homophobe looks like. Kathryn Skaggs

And then there was the Mormon Grandmother who saw Disney’s Frozen as a front for the homo-genda.  Could be. I haven’t seen it. In fact, despite my having long ago been crowned as Musical Theatre Royalty, I haven’t even heard Idina Menzel singing Let It Go, about which everyone seems to have gone wild. I have, however, read this portion of the Grandmother’s screed:

Let me be very clear about one thing, I am not anti-gay nor am I here to judge homosexuals not worthy of their rightful and respectful place among society. However, I draw the line at the idea of redefining traditional marriage to include homosexual relationships, as equal. Meaning, that as a Christian, I believe that acting on same-sex attraction is contrary to God’s will, and therefore SSM should not be legalized. Because I hold this value and voice it freely, does not mean that I am trying to force it on anyone — anymore than those who feel opposite and advocate for their position intend to force SSM on me, personally — both have the right [to freely advocate an oppositional position] and should not be demonized, regardless of where society takes us, as a whole.

This is my favorite tactic of the supposedly god-loving religious bunch; this “my beliefs allow me to be a discriminatory bigot and god told me it was okay so it’s not hate and it’s a-ok for me to deny and denigrate and belittle you and you can’t do the same back to me, you have to respect the fact I’m an asshole” defense.

Here’s my answer: You’re not just a BIGOT and HATER, you’re an idiot and a hypocrite too. And you, Ma’am, in particular, are a disgrace to Grandparents everywhere. (And here, at Huffington Post, is a far more erudite response.)

But Kathryn Skaggs – the Mormon woman who wrote the original “Frozen is a homo-genda-ganda tool” post, is STILL going on about it in her bigoted hate-speech blog. Listen:

If you are seriously clueless as to what I’m talking about then it is imperative, particularly for morally minded parents, that you read this post and open your eyes to the homosexual agenda, and the principles advanced to promote it, that undergird Frozen, which is why it was written for Broadway and will indubitably be a hit – mark my words!

Really? Written for Broadway and will indubitably be a hit – mark her words? Oh. My. Holy. Fucking. Cray. Cray. AND THIS BLATHER IS WHY I CANNOT TOLERATE ORGANIZED RELIGION – because any organization that embraces bigots such as Ms. Skaggs – not only embraces, but encourages and girds and insists it is their right to promulgate such hate in the name of their god – is an organization that should not be afforded a voice, respect, any sort of attention, OR, tax exempt status.

And therein is part of my rub; both the Mormon Church (and other so-called religious organizations) and the NFL are tax-exempt. Why? Both have spent MILLIONS of dollars lobbying and advocating politically – the Mormon church has FAMOUSLY worked against equality in state after state, funding hate groups and homophobic and anti-woman legislation. Why a tax pass?

Here’s my homosexual agenda: Every Group Pays Taxes. No Tax Exemptions for ANYONE for ANY REASON. So-called “religious” organizations are treated no differently than any other corporation in my new world, and all corporations are taxed at the same rate as individuals. Flat. Tax. Period. On. All. Income. Done. No write-offs. NONE.

Hate comes in many guises, and the most dangerous of those are the ones who hide behind “Oh, what if a man pats my butt” moron-think – and since when did football players become so delicate of sensibility anyway? – and the smile of a purportedly loving grandparent who is actually a promoter of hate and inequality.

Hate comes in the form of those who seem to be well-meaning, who you know and who claim to love you, who then, at a point when you’re not getting along or disagreeing about something – life – love – whatever – resort to homophobic code-words and trope in effort to slander or discredit you (and I include other gays in this who use code talk, slut shaming, innuendo, etc to slur and slay other gays). Hate comes in the form of those who love you but still will say, “Well, I don’t see why it has to be marriage – couldn’t you just have domestic partnerships and leave marriage for men and women? I think that’s what the bible says and I’m sorry, I’m religious. You can’t be mad at me for having my faith.”

Yes. I can. Your faith is – sorry to tell you – a patriarchal construct based on what I consider to be a group delusion and fantasy, long propagated by those in power to control the peasants. It’s not an excuse for denying me my rights or justifying your bigotry.

We need to shine LIGHTS on these haters who are EVERY BIT AS BAD as those who carry the nasty signs and use the slurs. At least those out and out bigots admit their hate and are up-front about it.

Arizona Embeds Homophobic Hate into Law . . . My Question For . . .

Russian Gay Bash 3My question for you: Have you seen that Arizona has embedded hatred, bigotry and discrimination into its laws and used a specious argument about religious freedom to try to excuse it? Click here and read JOE. MY. GOD. for the story about the legalization of hate.

Russian Gay Bash 7My question for those whose idea of “religious freedom”  is that it gives you permission to deny equality and thus, full humanity, to another, then, is what has so-called “religious freedom” to do with such hatred? Bigotry and denial of equality have nothing to do with either “religious” or “freedom” but, rather, once again, such actions support my long-held assertion that the fundamental damage done by so-called “organized religions” far outweighs any positive benefits.

Russian Gay Bash 6Russian Gay Bash 5Russian Gay Bash 4Not a question, but brief background about this very thing: My reasons for withdrawing from Facebook were myriad and complicated, but one of the contributing events was my own sister de-friending me. She never explained it, nor do I really care, but my guess is that it had to do with my anti-papist postings and too, I suspect, it had not a little to do with my virulent anti-Republican screeds during the presidential election.

Russian Gay Bash 2My question for people who supported Mr. Romney – and others who adhered to the Republican platform expressly denying equality to the GLBT community; that platform that advocated the continuing belittlement of not just GLBT people, but women; that party the conduct and practices of which were classist, sexist, homophobic, and racist – THAT PARTY; my question was, “How do you justify supporting a party that specifically targets me – someone you claim to love – for dis-inclusion and discrimination? And when the ultimate conclusion of that party’s actions would be my being imprisoned or disappeared or prison-camped, how will you feel?”

Russian Gay Bash 1My question for people – some who loved me very much – who thought I was exaggerating and continued to justify their Republican votes as economic (An argument that also, ultimately, fails when given closer examination, but, I’m not a that kind of writer so I will leave that to Rachel Maddow and Andrew Sullivan and those others who are.) at their foundation, dismissing so-called “social issues” as window dressing and beside the point, never likely to amount to much, was; “When does ‘amount to much’ occur for you? When my discrimination is legislated? When I’m in prison? When the anti-GLBT propaganda prompts a group of feral-teens to beat the shot out of me?”

Gays Imprisoned During Holocaust

Gays Imprisoned During Holocaust

Gays Imprisoned During Holocaust

Gays Imprisoned During Holocaust

My question for those who won’t seriously consider those questions begins with this answer: It is easier for those who have not been bullied, beaten, and denied to argue that “social issues” are window-dressing and don’t amount to much. It is why second-generation kajillionaire, Mr. Romney, could be so social-issue tone-deaf as to be building a multi-million dollar home with an underground garage including a car elevator while discussing how in touch he was with the plight of the poor, and how Mr. George H. Bush could not, during his presidency, come close to answering when asked the price of a carton of milk, and why Mr. Reagan didn’t mention nor do anything about AIDS for six years and hundreds of thousands of deaths. And the question continues with this plea; “Please, do you want, when push comes to shove, to look back on your life and see that you have been as out-of-touch and implicitly homophobic as Messrs. Reagan, Romney, and Bush?”

My question is, “You think acculturated hate as affirmed by politicians and churches and silence in the face of discrimination and acquiescence to going to Sochi to compete and eating at Chick-Fil-A and on and on and on DOESN’T EQUAL DEATH?” You’re wrong.

Matthew Shepard

My question is, how can someone belong to a religion in which its adherents justify this? Click here to read this – Gay Patient Denied Last Rites – about the denial of last rites to someone. Although, I must say, the internalized and acculturated homophobia of a man who would still call himself a Catholic when that church has done so much to destroy him is beyond me.

Gay Nigerians being marched to a lynching

Gay Nigerians being marched to a lynching

My question for those of you who are watching the Olympics: when is it too much? Where is the line? It wasn’t enough for you what Russia is doing to the GLBT community, is it enough what they are doing in The Ukraine? You can CLICK HERE to read about that.

Gay Iranian Teens being lynched

Gay Iranian Teens being lynched

Gay Iranians Lynched

Gay Iranians Lynched

My question is, now that Kansas, Tennessee, South Dakota, Oregon, Idaho, and Maine, in addition to Arizona, have floated anti-GLBT, TURN AWAY THE GAYS  bills (READ THE ARTICLE BY CLICKING HERE), when does it become “enough” for you to say “No!” These bills would not be possible had people not supported politicians who pandered to and trafficked in hate in order to win votes; people like Mr. Romney and the Catholic church.

My question for me is; How do I manage to get myself out of this DuBoisDolorsDepression I am having and do something? And what can I do? And where is my line for and with those who won’t do anything at all including admit the International Olympic Committee and organized religion and hate mongering politicians and this country’s culpability in the hate? And the resulting deaths.

Tea (but alas, no sympathy) and Toast

Tea and Toast Feb 2014

The view from my bed; my carbed out raisin toast, my mint (and honey) tea in my FOLLIES revival mug, my book, and all the clashing florals and chintzes and such that help me pretend I’m a down on my luck Englishman – instead of just a down on my luck asshole in a basement in Maryland.

Obviously I have not yet managed to slog myself out of this Tennessee as Blanche Blues in which I am mired. Last night, I was in bed with book by 9p.m., nibbling on cinnamon-sugar, raisin-bread toast, sipping mint tea with honey, reading a novel in which happy-ending, impossible-but-fated-to-be romances ruled the day. This comforted me at the same time it irritated me, because I absolutely do not – I cannot – for even one second now allow myself to believe that the sort of “in-love” coupling described ever has been or ever will be possible for me and yet, I WANT it to be, I believed it could be, I still some days think it was except for the inability of the other(s) to get with the script, and as it is described, I cast the scenarios in my head in my life – bad habit, that – and must constantly be reminding myself that “no olds” and “gym bodies only” and “prefer big dicks” and “hate the book” (oh wait, that’s a different rejection story) is the reality of my life.

I wanted a light read. I ended up hibernating/hiding in my faux English atmosphere feeling even worse than I had. (I will actually write about the book later, when I am not blaming it for my DuBois Dolor.)

Other things NOT helping:

I’m too lazy to shave. I can barely get myself to make a cup of tea. I hate it when I don’t shave. But, too lazy. How is it I can get to the gym but I can’t shave? And, why do I care that someone at the gym might see my scruffy and decide I don’t look good? No one at the gym sees me UN-SCRUFFY and decides I look GOOD. When I am at the gym I am wrapped in over-sized sweat pants and sweatshirt – with a hood, which I have up – so no one can see my face and so I don’t have to see anyone else. If I really gave a fuck about looking good I wouldn’t be having two carb-heavy, butter slathered slices of cinnamon and SUGAR toast at 10pm at night. Not helping my ass. Or stomach. Or gym body. So, shaving? Whatever.

Yesterday the gentleman mechanic called to tell me that not only would my car and its new un-slashed tires NOT be ready yesterday (and I really didn’t care about that) but that while working on replacing its rear-plate bulb, the housing had disintegrated, and, even better, when working on the undercarriage to replace part of the exhaust, two of those pipes had done the same. He wondered if prior to my purchase, the car had lived “up North” in snowy, salty weather because it is a rusting mess. Oh goody. Final, terrifying sentence; “So, I had to order some of those parts, they’ll be in tomorrow morning, don’t worry too much I’m gonna try to work with you and help you out with the cost.” Uhm, it was already $3000 – we are WAAAYYYYYY past you working with me or helping me out. Or, me NOT worrying. I’m worried, Sir. WORRIED.

I have had a headache for almost a week now. Not a bad one, really, just this sort of low-grade, off and on, won’t leave me alone thing, and yesterday, it really wouldn’t leave me alone.

I went to the gym yesterday (trying – and it helped me justify that raisin toast later) because I spent so many hours cleaning on Tuesday, I hadn’t gotten there, and I want to get back into my every day habit. However, I have the Mother unit today and likely won’t make it back in time to go and even if I do, the sauna is AGAIN out-of-order. I know this is a problem of a luxurious life, but the gym really is my “luxury” item and working out/cardio truly is what keeps me off psychotropic drugs – as in, I wouldn’t be all Tennessee as Blanche Blue if I hadn’t been skipping so many days – BUT I REALLY NEED THE SAUNA! I go to the gym at carefully chosen times, times I have discovered that few other men are there, and my FAVORITE PART is finishing, taking a quick shower to de-sweat myself, and heading into the empty sauna – because there is NEVER (rarely) anyone in it but me, and I stretch out and pretend it is mine, all mine, and it really helps my back and my everything else. I NEED THAT SAUNA TO BE REPAIRED and, again alas, the repair is not scheduled to happen until mid-next-week. DAMMMIT.

So, I suppose, I will run the Mother-unit all over today. I know we’ve at least three items on the agenda. Then, unless he’s discovered even more things that MUST be repaired, I will visit the Gentleman Mechanic and give him all the money I had budgeted to get me through the next eight months of “fun and extras” – oh well, who needs FUN or EXTRA? – and then I will come home, hide and hibernate again with some tea and – SHIT – I am out of raisin bread.

FML. Whining brat.