It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to sustain my sense of worth and self while living the particular kind of lonely in which I’ve been living for the last twenty-five years; increasingly difficult to see others achieve publication and agenting and financial success while experiencing the kind of struggles with which I have long been struggling; increasingly difficult to have boosted and bolstered and hoisted and hefted and held-strong for many others, and still hear so often, “Charlie, could you . . . ” and so rarely, “Charlie, what if I . . . ”
I’m tired. Really tired. Heading to the gym. Going to try to run it off.