Today I celebrate my 18th. I think I might just EXPLODE from the pressure.
I stopped smoking at midnight, Sunday, June 9, making this the 18th full day I will live without a cigarette. It will also mark the 18th full day I will live without having had a decent night of sleep. It will also mark the 18th day in which I have been unable to write a “real” blog entry. “REAL” meaning – to me – an entry constructed after the models of Montaigne, Dorothy Parker, Joan Didion, Fran Lebowitz, David Rakoff, Christopher Hitchens. Now PLEASE – I KNOW I have NEVER come close to achieving the glory of even the least of their work; but they are my models, that to which I aspire.
Unfortunately, without nicotine, I seem even less able to approach their level than I was before. Sometimes completing one coherent on-topic paragraph is all I can manage in a day’s work. To actually compose an entire piece, with a beginning, middle, end, and sub-textual heft, levels of meaning, and rhythms and flowing syntax: FORGET IT.
Add to this, the SCOTUS decision of yesterday to gut the Voting Rights Act, and the possibility that they might, today, set LGBT rights back AGAIN, not to mention the goings on in Texas where my new idol, Senator Wendy Davis tried to stand up to the bullies in that state with a filibuster the bullies then tried to bully down – well, my head just might explode!
Which leads me to the Video of the Day. There is something profoundly disturbing about this video. But also irresistible. Profoundly disturbing and irresistible PRETTY MUCH sums up the history of EVERYTHING in life to which I have been attracted, including cigarettes and men out of my league. So, enjoy – I mean, who hasn’t – at some point – wanted to watch Maria vonTrapp, Scarlett O’Hara, Eliza Doolittle, Ilsa Lund, and Dorothy Gale EXPLODE?!
If SCOTUS doesn’t do the right thing today, the next head you see exploding will be MINE. Or, maybe I’ll just have a cigarette. After all, I’m eighteen today.