I’m working on a short story which is — I think — part of the Paul series (but, who knows?) called Mary. (Oh my, I suppose I shall have to write one called Peter, as well, but I’m 500 miles away from … never mind.) I have been searching for a word for HOURS; I know it exists but despite trying to jog my memory for it, searching thesauruses, dictionaries, Fowler’s, and appealing to friends — I CANNOT FIND IT. So, I’ve written an explanation of the word I want in the sentence where I mean it to go, and a list of similar words, all of this in red, and I will come back to it. In the meantime, here is a paragraph of Mary. First draft.
But, our friendship’s purpose was to encourage one another’s malignant delusions of adequacy, its sell-by date being when we ran out of amusingly self-deprecatory stories to do with all our rotten relationships, mistakes in judgment, and chances we’d blown, been denied, or robbed of, at which point, no confessional stand-up routines left with which to regale one another, we’d find ourselves stranded in the mutual stagnation of the exhaustive, apathetic self-contempt in which we both lived, and the sad, dull facts of our nows, which would, of course, be re-purposed and spun as our terribly interesting pasts when we moved on to the next best friend, as we would.
Love and light kids. Back to word searching and trying to find the rest of Mary’s story. Which is, I believe, meant to be in close third, not first. Dammit.
P.S. WHY has the top search term for my blog for the past few days been “Effie we all got pain”? I can’t even FIND the post prompting it. Ha.