My heart and mind are daily filled with the wonderfulness of you, and today is one of the dates of the year when I am especially cognizant of all the gifts of knowing and being and acceptance and believing you gave me.
It’s hard to believe it’s been twelve years. You would not believe the things that have happened – that are happening – and while I’m glad you’ve been spared many of the horrors in these dozen years, I mourn for me, because I would so like to have you here to talk about these things. Or, just sit with you and know I’m fully, one hundred per cent, completely loved.
I wish I could believe – as you did – there was a heaven. I wish I could believe – as we discussed – that said heaven would involve you and me, living in a celestial Algonquin, hanging with Mrs. Parker and Miss St. Vincent Millay, an eternity of legendary-Broadway opening nights – always being seen for the first time. I wish I could believe I deserved to be loved the way you loved me, again.
I wish you were here. I miss you. I love you. And though I know you can’t hear this, I still feel the need to say it, every year, every day really, all the time – Thank You for the best parts of me, those parts you made. Love you, miss you, always yours, your Perfect Charlie.