why i am tired

Were I a writer, these would be the perfect metaphoric scenes for the entirety of my life:

SCENE ONE

ME: Oh, damn, my dinner plans got canceled.

DEAR ONE: Your friends do that all the time. Decide they don’t really want to be around you.

SCENE TWO

ME: Dear one, guess what? I’m going to make a smorgasbord of chocolate chip cookies this weekend for you.

DEAR ONE: Can you not put salt on them?

SCENE THREE

ME: (Shoots self)

DEAR ONE: Who’s gonna clean that up now that he’s dead?

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