ZeitBites Monday: Weekend Bacchanal: I can BARELY walk . . .

NOTE: 2:30pm – The Baltimore NFL franchise seems to have terminated Ray Rice’s contract. I am concerned this was not done WHEN he first assaulted someone into unconsciousness – but then, that’s the football culture, right? Now that more video has come out actually showing him punching the woman who was then his fiancee, the team has acted. Wow. What a world.

{I DID proofread this piece, but am SURE when I review it again hours from now I will find things requiring correction, change, rearrangement of syntax, etcetera – HOWEVER, I am not going to dwell because – take a gander at the right side of page – unless I am writing about big peni, sexting, or homoerotic celebrity fantasy – I BARELY GET ANY HITS ANYWAY. Thus – no need to edit. I mean, I really OUGHT to be inserting a dick-pic (not mine, mind you) that I – like the NFL – could, morals and conscience free – get filthy rich and taste and dignity and RIGHT AND WRONG be damned. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with a dick-pic – feel free to send one my way Russell Tovey or Dominic Cooper, if you’re reading. Carry on. I’ve got to try to hoist myself from this desk-chair. Weekend ruined my back. Maybe it’s that four extra pounds. Or four bottles of wine.}

I woke up this morning just barely able to walk. And I weigh four pounds more than I did on Friday morning. My weekend was – by my standards – a Bacchanalian epic.

But, the world is a mess and as I said on my Twitter this morning: There are so many things about which I feel compelled to loudly protest, all I want to do is crawl into a fetal position and weep. Silently.

I have no trouble weeping. I do have trouble being silent. And achieving the fetal position.

Not going to lie. On the other hand, not going to tell the truth. On yet another hand – yes, I have more than two, have you an issue with that? – everything I am about to say is both lie and truth. Liminality.

Will Chancellor's Twit-Pic

Will Chancellor’s Twit-Pic

Excuse me with the Liminality kick. Part of my weekend of debauchery was book-diving unto drowning and one of those was Will Chancellor’s [follow him HERE on Twitter] “A Brave Man Seven Storeys Tall” [click HERE for that] in which liminality plays an important part. Love the book. Will be appreciating it in a full Book-Blog in a few days. Love Mr. Chancellor’s Twit-pic. Wishing I would be appreciating him in a full Bacchanalia in a few days, but, alas, we know each other only virtually.

Where was I before I fell into Mr. Chancellor? Oh, right, weekend revels. Unable to walk. Here’s the thing, sort of, I started house/pet sitting on Friday afternoon after my gym-visit for the day. I had started getting ready on Tuesday – by which I mean I had visited my favorite independent bookstore, THE CURIOUS IGUANA (who celebrated their one year birthday this weekend! HUZZAH! CLICK HERE!) and picked up a few MORE books. And I did that on Thursday too, LOL. But, I’d neglected to lay in other house-sitting supplies so, on Saturday, I went shopping – groceries and liquor and such. This took up SO MUCH OF MY PLANNED READING TIME, I had to skip the gym.

What I did NOT skip was the wine. And the pizza (one piece dammit) and the habanero/salted dark chocolate caramels. Did I forget to mention I’d stopped at the candy store near the bookstore? When I woke on Sunday, I was a sweaty, dizzy mess of a wine-word-chocolate soaked man who weighed three pounds more than he had the day before.

House Sitting Kit

House Sitting Kit

So, yesterday, it was a struggle to leave my New York Times – it was FALL ARTS PREVIEW DAY! – and force myself to the gym. I did it. Along the way I took my Mom some pastries she can rarely find and loves a lot. I’d write about what a good son that makes me but when I informed her via phone I had found these sought after treats she said, “Oh Charlie, you didn’t BUY them did you?” Uhm, no? I was just calling you to torture and tease you with the fact I saw the raspberry tarts for which you long and which we spend hours searching?

Where was I, again? Oh, right. Weekend orgy of indulgence. SO . . . I go to gym after dropping off pastries with my ingrate Mom (which is NO LESS than I deserve considering my teen years) and I elliptical and recumbent bike myself into a frenzy. I feel all fresh and new. Well, in any event, I feel like I can head back to house/pet sitting and eat another piece of pizza, more bon-bons, and suck down the wine. So, I do, not all at once and slowly, while reading, Tweeting, and watching the amazing Serena Williams win her 18th Grand Slam Title. GREATEST EVER!


But, along the way, I am INCREASINGLY infuriated by so many channels and so many people on Twitter’s attentions being consumed by football. Look, I tried to like it. Really I did. I had a favorite team and everything. But people, there is JUST NO GETTING AROUND the facts. The NFL and football in general encourage a homophobic, misogynist, violent, attack culture in which violence against women (and others) and proof of the prevalence of brain damage to its players is largely ignored, swept under rugs (and into elevators) and the money-making machine grinds on, eating up humans and dignity. Disgusting. The story on last night’s 60 Minutes about quarterback camps for little kids – pushed me over the edge. And then, more tape of Ray Rice of the Baltimore franchise assaulting his wife? Not only is his two game suspension a joke, he should be in prison. And the refusal of the Washington franchise to change its racist name? And the NFL not stepping in to do anything about that? AND TOO, every time I write about ANY of this on my Twitter feed, the evil trolls come out and attack me in the most vile, violent, homophobic, misspelled, ignorant way. Tragic. And further proof that football inculcates a culture of hate and violence and must be stopped. Here, however, Steve Almond has written a book; “Against Football: One Fan’s Reluctant Manifesto” [click HERE] that says all this much better than I can. CLICK HERE for a link to his Esquire Magazine blog about his feelings and the book.


We are coming up on the time when the F.C.C. is going to make a decision on Net Neutrality. I hate to be all hopeless, but I sincerely doubt freedom will prevail when competing against Verizon and Comcast. Just like the big bucks of the NFL allow it to commit crimes against individuals and culture, so too will those who have wrestled and wrangled the NET into monetized-cash-cow for themselves manage to screw us all into an even more stratified world. BUT, I beg you – go and have your say to the F.C.C. TODAY – please? FIND LINK TO FCC COMMENT FORM HERE!

Here’s what I said:

I am a writer, a freelancer, and my work and research are both conducted via the net. I (and others)already pay a fortune – more than in most industrialized nations – for access to what ought to be free. But, that’s another story. What is NOT another story is that we already live in a class-tiered society and to allow corporate behemoths to further stratify the culture, define our ability to communicate by our ability to comport ourselves to money-hungry-morals-free corporate inspired definition of “deserving” is EXACTLY what the F.C.C. ought to be about preventing. You’ve already blown it with cable, already spent too much time censoring rather than encouraging; please don’t blow this opportunity to encourage freedom and equality. Protect an open internet. Do NOT allow corporations to wrest further control of our freedom and force us to pay for it, thus allowing the rich to – once again – be a little more “free” than the rest of us. Thank you.

I thought that was pithy and to the point – and so brief. For me, anyway.

Speaking of which, this has gotten too long. I wish I had a wonderful story for you about how I have managed to throw out my back, but I don’t. It must have happened while I was uncorking another bottle or shoving another bon-bon down my throat. In any event, I am going to force myself to the gym today and force myself to finish (or really work at) a few writing projects – including yet ANOTHER version of a query letter.

Jeesh … you know, it occurs to me, I am just AWFUL at selling myself – never gotten real bites from a query, was a complete failure on Grindr – and, to re-paraphrase my own clever self – I am pretty certain that the antichrist is working on his comeback act either on Grindr or in the publishing industry.

Watch your step, Lovies.

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