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I am fascinated by the lives of people I might have been.
I am also hypnotized each time I hear — for the first time — about someone or something who/that existed for many years in the proximity of something or someone about whom I feel I am well-informed and yet, I have never heard of this person or thing.
Like Marcus Ewert (click HERE for his Wiki-bio). HOW? How did I NOT know about someone with who, at 17, sought out Allen Ginsberg to offer up his virginity and had an eight year relationship with William Burroughs? And WHY didn’t I think of that?
When I was 17, I ran away (not really and not for the first time, I hadn’t been living at home since I was 16) to San Francisco – ish and I didn’t have sense enough to seek out anyone. Nor confidence enough to offer myself to older men. Or, younger men, really. I didn’t think – back then — that I would ever be a writer, I was so busy pretending I wanted to be an actor/singer — another major fail — jesus, this is getting depressing — when the POINT was – how had I NOT heard of Marcus Ewert?
He’s also had to do with Dennis Cooper and Gus Van Sant and Pansy Division and … he had my gay life goddammit. This is NOT UNLIKE Sam Harris stealing my high-top sneakers and big-black-diva songs schtick and getting all famous on Star Search and such. We were stealing Patti LaBelle’s arrangements at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME IN HISTORY only he was singing for Ed McMahon and America and I was living in a New Haven slum being stalked by a psychopath.
Damn damn damn and more damn. Where was I? Right, Marcus Ewert.
The very FIRST time I EVER heard about him was this morning via Towelroad to which I referred in my earlier post from this morning, Zeitbites: The Personal Is … [CLICK HERE FOR THAT].
Since then, I have gone wild seeing sites and articles about him . . .
It defies imagination I have NOT heard of him, read about him. I feel like such an uninformed idiot. I guess I REALLY need to dive into that Burroughs bio I HAD TO HAVE a few weeks ago and have yet to crack – Call Me Burroughs by Barry Miles, published by TWELVE BOOKS [click here], another imprint I’ve dreamed would one day publish me – although I know they are simply a cog of the Hachette Group, which is one of the big five which control everything: Hachette, HarperCollins, Macmillan, Penguin Random House, and Simon & Schuster; STILL, I dreamed of a boutique publisher of some eclat and elan.
I also dreamed I would be a Broadway star. I also dreamed I would find soul-mate sort of Wuthering Heights sort of love. I also dreamed . . . never mind. Gotta catch up on my reading. Somebody has to keep those publishing behemoths in business until I hit it big. Or die. Or, more like, die and THEN hit it big – are you listening CSW?