I’m still fugued-up – and OWN YOUR HATE, assholes.

Fugue.

It’s from the French < Italian < Latin; to flee; flight.

It continues today. I am exhausted, despite having intermittently napped all day yesterday and slept more soundly than not through the night. Eating remains iffy; I have been ravenous – off and on – and chanced toast and Cheerios and unsweetened applesauce, and each of them resulted in nausea, reflux-ish nastiness for hours. I am still freezing. Or hot. And every so often overtaken by chills. All this is accompanied by a pressure in the head which is in the neighborhood of but not really a headache and, at the same time, something akin to a head-cold/congestion pain, but, again, not really, and it goes into low-grade, hiding for hours, only to suddenly return like a slap. There are muscle aches as well, mostly in the knees and lower back, and these, too, disappear only to return with a vengeance. I keep thinking, “Oh, I’m fine. I will … (fill in the blank with activity I ought/need to do)” only to begin or contemplate doing so and find myself re-bombarded by one or multiple symptoms and in dire and desperate pursuit of being prone and blanketed once more.

Fugue.

I watched Teen Wolf. I trolled and patrolled the web. I discovered that Michael Sam has come out. In case you missed that, click here for Michelangelo Signorile’s take on it; Will Michael Sam Save the NFL from its Homophbia, via The Huffington Post.

Admittedly I am still feeling fugued-up, but, the shit people say and do seems increasingly ridiculous to me. From the NFL sources who were allowed to speak their vile, hetero-fascist opinions under cover of anonymity in Sports Illustrated, to the asshole-o-homophobes who Tweeted their hate at Sam, to the idiot NFL-ers like Jonathan Vilma who worry that a gay man might look at them in the locker room; really? REALLY?

Sam, MichaelFirst of all, people are stupid. Given. But why allow them a platform to broadcast their ignorance? No legitimate news source – which Sports Illustrated purports to be – would condone anonymous, bigoted hate speech about ANY OTHER MINORITY. If you want to be a bigot and hide behind the “I don’t think this but other people do,” you ought STILL have the – what was the phrase you used? – oh, right, courage of one playing a “Man’s man” game to use your fucking name.

Man’s man? Excuse me, but doesn’t that syntax equal someone who fucks another man?

In addition to which, Mr. Vilma (and all those other heterosexual men terrified of someone looking at their ass or dick or whatever) you are an idiot to think you’ve not ALREADY been naked in front of a gay man. You are an idiot to live in a presumptively heteronormative fantasy world and you are a dick for applying your sense of hetero-privilege in which you – the alpha males with the conquering penises – travel through life lusting and remarking and acting on it in the rape culture you rule without consequence.

Now you are afraid someone else with a dick who likes dick is going to behave in the rape culture manner toward YOU the way you have long behaved toward women. Karma’s a bastard, now, eh?

People need to grow the fuck up and get over themselves and their bigotry, fear and hatred. His college team was fine with it. So, people being paid like NFL players are paid are not mature and capable enough to have an OPENLY gay player on the team? And there are already closeted and semi-closeted gay players, that much everyone admits. And the agents and managers speak their bile bilge about how this might be a distraction and “baggage” – WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK – your teams have players with issues of drug abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, attempted murder, RAPE – and THAT wasn’t too much of a distraction?

Give me a break. You want to be a homophobe, be one. But don’t hide behind, “I’m afraid he’ll look at my dick in a lustful way” or “What if his being gay makes reporters ask questions and we can’t concentrate on the game.”

Own your hate, assholes.

Like I said, fugued-up. Flee. Flight. I would like to get away from this world in which the gender of the person to whom anyone is attracted is an issue or anyone else’s business. Exhausting.

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