… John Grant’s “GLACIER” and Sean Strub’s “BODY COUNT” and WHY AM I ALIVE?

Thanks to all the GLBT sites which have brought these two to my attention in the past few days. I have already ordered Sean Strub’s “BODY COUNT” (in hardcover, didn’t seem a Kindle read to me) and have repeatedly watched (and Tweeted) John Grant’s “Glacier” – I hope you will too.

I’ve had a very interesting day in which – once again – just how small the world is was brought home. Still, I am always taken by surprise. The world is so . . . surprising. I lived through so many of the things in Mr. Grant’s video and Mr. Strub’s book; and I – for better and worse – helped change the world; and along with all the other mysteries I have struggled to understand, one of the biggest is, how did I manage to miss contracting HIV before we knew what it was? I lived a youth as wild and un-controlled as anyone else. In later years, along with my survivor guilt, when I still believed in god – I used to thank god I was rejected by so many of the tricks I tried to turn – but…this boy …

C PURPLE2C PURPLE3

Goldilocks . . . once upon a time

Goldilocks . . . once upon a time

Why did he – Why did I live? Was there some reason? So many of the gay men of my age cohort, of my behavior cohort, died.

I used to think there was some reason. Now, I don’t. Now, I feel as if it would have been much better – the world would have been much better had someone like Michael Bennett or any of the other gifted geniuses who died had lived, and I had gone.

In any event, today, here I am – still not going, and wondering what these messages with which the universe assaults me all mean? Why would I be taken so unexpectedly today down a memory/connection lane?

Oh life . . . don’t ask. I think. Because the universe NEVER seems to tell. And I have to say, I am ready to go.

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