No bother to read, really. I had a crush this week. I was crushed this week (as recently as this morning) and I found a new Tumblr with naked men reading books (sprinkled liberally through this week’s Zeitbites) after I got sad in the grocery store because I wasn’t making dinner and cleaning house for a hot boyfriend – the latest candidates for which all moved to Texas or are planning on marrying women or hate my guts even though they really love me.
It’s Sunday, and I need to (want to) catch up with about six months worth of New York Times and magazines and … so, I have a lot on my mind but the development of the theme and finding its beginning, middle, and end without writing far too personal essays involving stories about people who have a right to their privacy would require far too much effort today. So, I’m doing a highlights and hints reel.
Theme of the week: Holiday and relationship stress.
Let me say this about that: Love comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It is my considered opinion that this culture in which we live has missed the mark when it comes to Love and Sex and Relationships – by confusing and confuting and instilling Fear where there should be Love, and Dark where there should be Light, and Secrecy where there should be Open-ness.
This morning I was walking around a grocery store, alone, which I almost always am, and had a brief conversation without words with someone who was also – sort of – alone – in that “with someone but wish I wasn’t because they don’t really validate who I am” sort of deer in the headlights look in his eyes – and I was struck – IT QUITE LITERALLY FELT LIKE A PSYCHOLOGICAL EMOTIONAL SLAPPING – by the number of hours and amount of heart and emotional energy I have spent making worlds for people who did not validate who I was, who thought I should bend and shape and be what they wanted and needed, and who never acknowledged or returned the energy of Love and Light I put forth for them.
And I was really sad. And I was wishing I was shopping with and for a book reading hot man. And lo and behold, perusing BuzzFeed(click here) I saw an item about the plethora of penis stories this week(click here), one of which referred me to this site, a Tumblr called (sorry) “Eat A Bowl of Well-Read Dick” (click here – lots of naked dick, some erect by the way) – and, wow, I started crushing on lots of these guys (who are used to illustrate this column.)
And thinking about that word; CRUSH.
crush (krush) vt to suppress or overwhelm as if by pressure or weight; to oppress or burden grievously; to reduce to inactivity or passivity; to press or squeeze so as to squash, deform or break; to beat down or overwhelm; to subdue; to defeat soundly; to ruin; to extinguish; to reduce to particles by pounding or grinding; AN INTENSE AND USUALLY PASSING ATTACHMENT OR INFATUATION; a crowd that produces uncomfortable pressure; pulverize; pulp; conquer; humiliate; DESTROY
I know, right? You know what this proves? I own waaaaaayyyyy too many dictionaries. And that’s only about one tenth of the definitions, carefully chosen to illustrate the point I am not making out loud.
I had a long week of crush experience as in feeling and being and it reminded me of a past column in which I discussed what a friend had said to me about my tendency to feel crushed by the weight of the worlds of OTHERS I carried. And here is a quote: “Because the shit you’re carrying doesn’t even belong to you and it is crushing you and I’m afraid you’re never going to recover from the weight.” (And you can click on the quote for the whole column: …words (not that they mean anything) from the wise”)
And as I checked my archives, it was THAT COLUMN which got a lot of hits this week … along with the ever popular “WORDS TO THE WISE (Click here for that)” which continues to get huge hits because it has this picture of a huge dick wrapped in Calvin Klein tighty-whities and so all those tags get porn hits.
Should I feel bad about that? No. I mean, it’s good that SOMEWHERE IN MY LIFE I am getting hit on instead of rejected because of my dick – and, too, also typical that it’s only the dick they’re looking for – ENTIRELY SKIPPING THE WORDS I SHAPE INTO BRILLIANT PROSE. (I know, but somebody has to compliment me.)
My Tweet-highlights for the week:
- Just when you THINK you’ve met someone nice – they ask you to piss on them. To me – NOT romantic.
- I should either have died in 1985 or been born in 1920 but I definitely do NOT belong here in 2013.
#ReadyToDie #Done #OverIt
- UN-following anyone mean. Stop trying to gain followers by being cruel & cutting. We need LOVE AND LIGHT. I am so tired of nasty.
- This week I was told by person 1)”I have never met anyone nicer & kinder than you” and person 2) “You’re the meanest person I’ve ever known”
- I can’t be bothered by the people who hate me, cuz they’re the same people who claimed to love me best. So, uhm …love, hate both=bullshit
- tomorrow i win publishersclearinghouse $7000 a week for life…then EVERYONE will want me. Im gonna buy a 20 yr old. Eff dating
- Wow … CW and the Greens all in one day – this is turning into a good holiday – unfortunately someone just called me a liquor soaked whore
- I mean…if you want to call me a liquor soaked whore you should either be a blood relative or buy me dinner first.
- Forgot how much I love sleeping w/puppy curled into my hip or under my arm, waking to puppy kisses.
- “No kissing.”
#ThingsADogYouSleepWithNEVERsays #WhyDogsAreBetterThanPeople #ThingsThatMakeYouFeelLikeAWhore #NeverBeAJeopardyQuestion
- How early is too early to drink a glass of wine when you’re alone for the evening? Happily alone, but, alone? Is 6:30 too early?
- I am surprised (& a little ashamed) to confess I am weeping while watching the MAKING of the Sound of Music Live. I am way too sensitive
- Who says I need to know a person’s real name? I knew lots of people’s real names who managed to hide EVERYTHING from me so trying this now
- Working on project & realizing there is no one currently in my circle who’s read Jane & Paul Bowles collected works.
- I tried to make so many Frankensteins, & each one I shocked into being eventually tried to kill me for birthing them.
- I love being around people: And I love getting home AFTER being around people to the QUIET even more.
- Love people’s holiday photos BUT why do people think tongues sticking out & middle fingers sticking up cute? Why the urge to F.U. everyone?
- It is AMAZING how quickly the story of an underdog & a little coincidence can render me completely defenseless and STUPID
- Oh dear… 24. Can’t read. Can’t come out. Grew up in 2 rooms. Wants to keep it a secret. I’ve done it again. I am hopeless.
- At least he’s not married. Yet.
- Oh for a world w/an intellectual-hook-up site where people listed IQ & lit preferences instead of genital size & preferred sex acts
- Oh for a world in which whether you are a “top” or a “bottom”matters less than whether you’ve read Jane & Paul Bowles.
- Seen on a social-interaction site: “U have the intelect of a nat. I have good education so eff u.” Oh my. The level of discourse . . .
- Furthermore, on the
#LevelOfDiscourse theme, I am confused by writing “Eff U” instead of “F You” which seems far more logical?
- How many times does 19 go into 52? I mean … 42? Always been really bad at math.
- Where you’ve been needn’t dictate where you’re going; it’s the journey, not the destination; don’t let anyone else dictate your map.
- Being young & pretty is an accident of nature & temporary gift; you can throw attitude when you’ve earned it by becoming mature & beautiful
- Only, when you’ve survived to “mature & beautiful” the only attitude you’ll throw is Love & Light.
- It is so difficult for me not to point out to you the irony & intense Meta quality of so many of your Tweets.
- I am often gobsmacked by the ridiculous suggestions for “who to follow” I receive. Twitter needs to tweak its algorithms. Or, stop tweaking?
- Forgive yourself for the things at which you think you’ve failed; Forgive yourself for not being able to make everyone love you; Forgive YOU
- The shit I carry which most threatens to crush me, doesn’t even belong to me … lessons from good friends. Read it http://herewearegoing.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/words-not-that-they-mean-anything-from-the-wise/ …
See you next week . . .