… and then later that night … jason robert brown … songs for my damn old broken heart …

I was concentrating on all the good I was having … and I am still having all that good (and I am still also waiting for the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol) but – as so often seems to happen – some promises were broken, some people just don’t show up. And, see, the thing is, I KNOW people are not going to show up sometimes and I have tried to meditate myself into being a person who is okay with that, who accepts rather than expects – because, oh my friends, expecting very nearly ruined me.

And some days, well, the memories of having expected come at me too strong and …

… I get … there’s this place and this point where I need Jason Robert Brown music … his music and his lyrics are proof that there exist people who not only really and truly GET the human experience, but can manage to translate its vagaries and venalities and the sound of its heart both breaking and mending into art. And “I’m Not Afraid of Anything” is one of my favorites of Mr. Brown’s songs. When I – long, long ago – played Sweeney in “Sweeney Todd”, Johanna, Sweeney’s daughter, was played by the beautifully, powerfully voiced Julie Reiber who went on in her career to play Elphaba in New York and Los Angeles. That summer I worked with her, she was also in “Songs for a New World” and sang “Not Afraid” and I saw the show – repeatedly – and pissed her off by sitting in the front rows of the audience, leaning forward, clutching my face and chest and heave-sobbing while she sang this. Little did she know at the time that she had – even then – joined the ranks of those musical theatre divas like Betty Buckley, Patti LuPone, Audra McDonald, Christine Ebersole, Julia Murney, Alice Ripley, Emily Skinner, and others who would ask themselves – “Who the fuck is that crazy man sobbing while I sing?” Yeah It’s me. Songs from the heart, sung with passion and conviction and glorious, gorgeous tone – always get me. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. And tonight, I REALLY wish I had a recording of Julie Reiber singing it – but this will have to do – and, in fact, does quite nicely.

Powerful, isn’t it? But it makes me want to hear Julie again. So, here she is from YouTube. Look her up.

Holy shit – LOOK – her Galinda is Megan Hilty!

Which means I have to post this ONE MORE TIME … because, my friends, again tonight, that line was moved … by someone …

… okay … enough songs for my old broken heart tonight … which these songs have ALREADY helped to mend … ahhhh musical theatre and its singing divas and its writing geniuses, like Mr. Jason Robert Brown; how I thank and worship you all and to all of you and to my friends and to me … goodnight …

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