Like I said in an earlier post: “Late last night, after a wine-soaked evening in the same room with a friend who I see infrequently (and more about this later)” – well, here is the later.
I’ve been thinking (and feeling) a lot about relationships and connections and the definition of “friend” and “family” and “lover” and, actually, “Love” itself – the capital “L” kind, the big deal, the Love and Light thing.
I’ve known last night’s friend for a very long time and we’ve seen one another’s bad times, worst times, loser behavior. This friend is one of the very few who stuck by me during the very worst of times, which is a surprisingly rare quality, and rarer still, this friend didn’t ask for or expect anything in return. There was (is) no price.
And rarest of all, this quality which I most admire in human beings and am working every day to better cultivate within myself: this friend has NEVER asked me to explain. While other friends and family left me by the wayside, betrayed my trust and love, departed, or believed the worst possible things about me – this friend never did any of that.
This friend saw into my soul, loved me THERE, and when things were bad, when gossip was heard, when someone took it upon themselves to try to fill this friend’s head with bullshit or ugly soul-graffiti about me, this friend did NOT believe it; this friend did NOT come to me with it and ask about it, or hurt me by telling it to me; this friend just continued to love me and believe in the Love and Light at my center.
This friend also, without fanfare or “give me a prize” behavior, pulled away from people who had NOT stood by me in that way. Not in an ugly or violent or loud or announced way, not in a “never speaking to them” way, but in a “If they could do that to you, I don’t much trust what they will do one day do to me should it be convenient for them.”
And that, my friends, is Love. To KNOW me enough to see my Love and Light through all the hate and dark that was thrown my way, and to keep reminding me that was who I was (am) by LOVING me that way, seeing me that way, and not surrendering to those who pulled in a different direction – not just pulled, but campaigned.
I am lucky to have a few friends who Love me like this; I am lucky to have a small portion of my family who Love me like this; I am lucky to know Love like this.
And it is who I want to be. And I fail every day. But I am still trying.
Thank you last night friend. Thank you. Especially because we get to see one another so infrequently now, and yet, you have always been an always friend, and not a sometimes friend who doesn’t get the capital L of life.