… can’t write today … i’m marked …

MARKED

We are all marked … one way or another …

I promised (myself, mostly) that I would do a blog entry at least six days a week. There is much about which to write today, not the least of which is the genius of Mr. Ryan Murphy and last night’s Season 3 Premiere episode of AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN, which was brilliant on so many levels, one of those being the way in which Mr. Murphy somehow always manages to address those zeitgeist issues which are the foundation of that nagging feeling of ennui and dissatisfaction we are all feeling and have yet to pinpoint: Mr. Murphy pinpoints it. He has a magical way of tapping into the soul of the culture and illuminating the questions, and I worship him. COVEN is already about many things, but one primary issue is aging and the self-image issues that come with accepting age, embracing age, appreciating age – and, well … the ways in which we are all marked – tattooed – by our beliefs and the labels others impose upon us and …

I can’t really write about what happened last night, but I had to get up at 6a.m. today for a corporate type meeting – or, rather, a meeting with corporate types – or, well, the point is I got about two and a half hours of wine-soaked, very troubled, existential questioning sleep about the ways in which I am marked and the ways I’ve allowed myself to be marked and because –

Well, I can’t really explain. Not now. I’ll find some way to write about it. But here’s my question – or – is this a rant? I am TRYING like HELL not to re-make mistakes I have made again and again – and so, well, so – and then, it seems the universe – despite the fact that I don’t believe there is any greater power in the universe than Patti LuPone – it feels as if some power is trying to torture me – marking me over and over – and while I can’t really explain it – something I know I should not be feeling keeps COMING AT ME through NO FAULT OR DOING OF MY OWN – and I keep saying, “Really? Why? Why are you (whoever or whatever “you” is) DOING this to me?”

So, that’s it. I’m exhausted and I can’t find a way to think about this right now.

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