I am more and more disconnected.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this.
Prompting said thought? The reaction to my shutting down my Facebook has been divided into two camps: those who took my absence to mean I had de-friended them and that other cohort who have yet to notice I am gone.
Both of which reactions give lie to the assumptions I had made about those who “followed” me on Facebook knowing something about me and what sort of person I was and, in some instances, caring about that person, what he was doing, and what he had to say.
Now, what amuses me is that when people say “I’ll catch you on Facebook” and I explain that I don’t have one, they are, to a person, wildly congratulatory, as if Facebook is something to which one is OBLIGATED to pay homage and obeisance and to have escaped it is an achievement of more consequence than hitting a few keys leading to “delete”.
Further furthermore, these same people are filled with even more admiration to discover that I never answer my phone unless I know the person who is calling and that I have no message box. It has been filled for almost two years – the origination of which was an endless (it seemed at the time) stream of threatening calls from lawyers and associates about all the things I ought to do to avoid being – well – it doesn’t matter now. I don’t answer my phone and you can’t leave a message.
In fact, I rarely check any of my e-mail accounts either. At least, not the ones connected to the person people know as Charlie Smith. Charlie is slowly disappearing. He still has this blog and his Twitter, but, even those might not be long for this world.
Sebastian is having a much better life and much better luck right now than Charlie. So, he might take over. He’s much younger than Charlie, not nearly as contemplative and introverted, and dating a 25-year-old. Well, “dating“. Whatever. In fact, Sebastian seems to be wildly attractive to much younger men, which is a huge surprise to Charlie, who never was attractive to any men – let alone younger men, who seemed, in fact, to find him repugnant. In any event … not Sebastian, and even if Sebastian was rejected or someone found him to be repugnant – he wouldn’t care. He’s connected to what matters, he lives in the moment, he has no family, no friends, and he doesn’t really know anyone or even have a phone number or Facebook or Twitter or anything else.
I so admire Sebastian and his ability to sort of float through the world without getting stressed, and so, in order to be more like him, I have now started turning my phone off long around midnight and not re-connecting until mid-morning. During those hours, I am almost entirely unreachable unless you know where I live – or you are one of Sebastian’s 25 year olds – and since you don’t and you aren’t – well, catch me if you can.
And since Charlie write this, you won’t be chasing me in the first place. And Sebastian, well, he’s unreachable. And so, too, it occurs to me how prescient I was to name this blog “… here we are … going” – although, really, I’m the only one disappearing.