I am also ridiculously tired. I went to see a show last night; a community theatre production of “YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN” and it was roughly an hour away from my house. I had a really lovely time because I got to spend the evening with A[sq] and little is better than that. However, I also realized a few things, most important of which was that as I watched all those people on the stage, and in the orchestra, and crewing, the thought of all the weeks they had driven to that theatre – night after night – just seemed an insurmountable obstacle to me. Could not do it. I could NEVER drive an hour to rehearse a show. In fact, I don’t think that at this point in my life I could even drive fifteen minutes to rehearse a show. Because – no matter how short the drive, the journey from choosing a show, casting a show, directing a show, putting away a show, is full of the people WORKING on the show and – as a director, producer, teacher – I spent more time as a counselor, mentor, pastor, rescuer than I ever did making art.
I freely and willingly gave away whatever parts of my soul were required or requested to make people whole, happy, to help them walk along their path. It was good. It was a gift to and for me to give in that way, but, eventually, it exhausted me and it was time for me to give that energy to someone who’d never benefitted from it: Me.
So, no, I could not – at this point in my life – take part in another show.
Which is interesting to know since I was CONSUMED by doing just that sort of thing for decades. I was ALWAYS in a theatre, or on my way to one, or from one, or grabbing a little sleep or a little life IN BETWEEN productions.
Now, I am having a life. But, funny, now that I have re-claimed my energy for me, all the things I used to think I wanted to do, things I thought were so important – Not So Much. I am content with very little: as in, I don’t need a lot of money or things or stuff. As long as I have some private space, some private time, my writing, my reading (although not as much lately), and meetings up with people – like my dear A[sq] and my extended Lake Family – it’s enough.
Well, and Amazon and Starbucks. I don’t guess I’ll ever be completely cured of my consumerist nature.