I am an imaginary person on Twitter. My Tweets are often fanciful – less about my real life than they are about some of the imaginary people I pretend to be as I am writing my various novels. And let me tell you, being all these people EXHAUSTS me.
So, here are some of my Tweets from the week. I’d explain them but … I want you to buy the novels and memoirs when they come out.
I told some of my secrets today and guess what – my friend still loved me – praised me even – good times
Why is EVERYONE slut-shaming
#CheyenneJackson for his jackoff tape? What’s wrong with jacking off. Hypocrites. People make me sick.
Im going to the gym half drunk. I love my friends
On hearing that there is NOW a winegarden at the Great Frederick Fair, my niece said, “Oh, guess you’ll be at the Fair all the time now.”
Is it only Thurs? Because it feels like next week already. I don’t know HOW I used to leave the house every day –
Words I never thought I’d hear: “I’d be happy to pay you … is that what you’re waiting for?” Uhm. Wow.
I’d pretty much sell my non-existent soul for a guy who wears JohnDeere cap w/out irony & never considered himself “hip” – men exhaust me
Sometimes I wonder how you get through every day knowing how you’ve made me feel – how do you justify it? Such a mystery what you became.
I wasn’t going to drink tonight but I can practically HEAR the wine calling to me … and I don’t want to hurt its feelings
PS: the man who wears the JohnDeere cap w/out hipster irony sh/also be okay w/ watching ProjectRunway with me: or, he can go shoot something
If I hear “I have to wait til my wife goes to bed” ONE MORE TIME . .
@ArtizanX how did i – a person who spent his life in theatre – end up involved with so many straight men? I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS
I FIRMLY ERECTLY believe that if America got over its fear of sex – about three quarters of our problems would be solved. Fuck someone now!!
Remember that time you told me no one would ever love you like I did? You were right. So that’s a GREAT reason to hate me.
Trying to write @ diff between sex w/20-somethings & 40/50-somethings & think I may AT LAST have found my TMI wall –
i’ve been really REALLY nice this week. feel like i should get a prize.
Exiting gym; wafting food & exhaust smells, then a siren wailed;missed Manhattan so much I started to cry on sidewalk outside gym
I told a really funny story to A[sq] last night that I can’t write in my blog and it is killing me
Yes, i KNOW it was a pic of you – but when I said PIC I meant one from THIS decade
It’s really a blast to be doing the teen/20s things I was too afraid to do now that I’m in my early 40s.
I cannot BELIEVE how popular I am w/people who don’t know my real name & people who have never met me –
#lessonLearned #RulesToLiveBy Don’t ask ME for my cell number when you’ve told me your name is ShaneCockerille. I watch UofMd football sometimes you dick
Goodnight my friends. I’m spent. Really. Truly. SPENT.