… dumped again … my pretend boyfriends are so mean to me …

I’ve been dumped AGAIN.

It was near 4a.m. here on the east coast when it happened. This is what he Tweeted:

5h

Me = In Love

Hough and Ballas BlurWell, he wasn’t with me and lately (by which I mean: FOREVER and NEVER) he hasn’t been acknowledging my Tweets. Clearly, my pretend boyfriend, Derek Hough, of “Dancing With The Stars”, has moved on. I’m sure he’s still irritated with me for not being more sympathetic when he fell for that asshat Ryan Seacrest (click HERE to read my past Derek post). But I AM SO MUCH BETTER FOR HIM – even if I am not a DickClarkian kabillionaire!  Oh well, once again, I am heartbroken. But, as long as he’s not hooking up with Ballas again, I’ll recover.

cheyenne jacksonBUT WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? It was only a few days ago when the news broke that my pretend boyfriend, Cheyenne Jackson (click HERE for his official website), had made a wank-tape and sent it to his boyfriend. WTF? I didn’t get it. Well, not until it hit Fleshbot (click HERE for the NSFW video of Cheyenne missing his boyfriend – his REAL boyfriend apparently.) I am not happy about this, Cheyenne.

What I am REALLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT is American puritanism. I am repulsed and disgusted by the ridiculous reaction to Cheyenne’s wanktape. I mean, honestly, what the hell difference does it make?  Or, as I Tweeted (two can play at this game, Mr. Hough) last night:

(click HERE to follow me on Twitter)13h

I FIRMLY ERECTLY believe that if America got over its fear of sex – about three quarters of our problems would be solved. Fuck someone now!!

So, long story short; I’m in the market for a new pretend boyfriend. Apparently Zefron is out – I hear from Dlisted that Zac made a sex tape with Joe Jonas somewhere (click HERE to read all about it) – NOW THAT, I would like to see – maybe Nick jumped in too. I mean we had thought Joe was the homoJoBro, but this weightlifting/bodybuilding obsession Nick has going on (click HERE to SEE all about it) has me wondering.

But wondering isn’t going to get me a pretend boyfriend. So, I am open to suggestions!

One thought on “… dumped again … my pretend boyfriends are so mean to me …

  1. Pingback: … the emmy awards have made me wonder if the Tea Party is right about one thing … | herewearegoing

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