It’s been a pretty fabulous weekend. I don’t say that very often, and so I feel it is incumbent upon me to speak it when it becomes the case.
There wasn’t any big event, just a concatenation of small, meaningful, heart-warming smiles. Thursday night I got to have dinner with one of my dear A[sq] and rather than spending hours furiously texting, we got to watch “Project Runway” together. I don’t spend huge amounts of time with friends having casual fun, so that was pretty wonderful.
Friday was lovely too. The day began with spending another chunk of time at the gym and afterward with another of the A’s in my life who makes me smile. That evening, I was home with yet another precious A (wow, I do have a lot of A’s) although we were both weary and so went to our respective rooms fairly early. Later that night, some very surprising things came to me via social media – Tweets, G-mail, and such – that made me smile, think, be amazed, and just generally opened my soul a bit more to the “you just never know” possibilities of the world – and, not only did my darling C text me (which is always wonderful) but I have to say, the night gave me some real amazement at some of the other unexpected people in my life I now find myself talking to – deeply – and often – and, too, equal amazement at some who I no longer speak to at all – and, too, how common it turns out this surprising experience is for everyone. We all seem to have someone(s) we can’t believe left us, hurt us, lied to us, turned out to be something entirely other than we believed – and worse, while those things are bad enough, is the feeling of bafflement confusion shame abashed disbelief accompanying the shock of it all.
But, that’s part of what made me aware that I was having a happy weekend – because, without going into details that are either betrayals of someone else’s privacy or TMI about my life – I have mourned and grieved and cursed the fates for quite a while about those who left empty spaces and bruises in my soul, as well as despairing of the ways in which I allowed the vampires to feed off of me; but now, of late, that I have opened some doors again, taken some chances, I am feeling revitalized and – having allowed those vampires of the past to convince me I was bad and ugly and old and un-lovable and undesirable and repugnant and – well, to find that some people are thrilled to spend time with me – some people seek me out, again, and, well, again – it has been a real revelation.
And, I’ve been crying and singing again. Both of which – for various reasons – had disappeared. In particular I have been enjoying and wailing along with Judy Kuhn’s “Just In Time” where she sings the songs of Jule Styne (GO HERE TO BUY IT – YOU WON’T BE SORRY) . So fabulous. I wanted to share “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out To Dry” but couldn’t find Judy singing it – so, here’s Linda Ronstadt.
But, because I NEED you to hear Judy, here’s another song – which like “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out To Dry” – has so much relevance to my life. I have always wanted to sing this song – but every time I sing it in the car or around the house – I burst into bad can’t sing a note weeping – so, maybe not – listen:
But – at the risk of being an egomaniac – I do WANT to tell you that I sing the holymotherfuckingshit out of this song. Which proves what a good weekend I am having – because I would NEVER have said that at almost any point in the last ten years.
I haven’t even talked about how much fun I had Saturday with my niece A; we did Saturday errands – shopping and such – and ended up at the new International Market here. We got some amazing food, had a fabulous dinner during which we drank the Uncle Charlie wine we’d found – YES – UNCLE CHARLIE wine!
Does it get any better? This a.m. we went out for breakfast with her son, and then I went to gym and I now have a New York Times awaiting me and leftover spaghetti for dinner and … well, I’ve been singing all day – and I sound pretty good too.
Thanks for indulging me.