Remember when you asked me to sing “Not a Day Goes By” for your going away party? Remember how many times we all went away? Wouldn’t it have been great if for at least some of that going we had been heading toward something instead of all the away-ing we did? Why? And why have I been left here when so many of the rest of the better of you away-ed?
I wish I had the answers. I wish I even thought that answers existed. Instead, I have begun to believe that even bothering to ask the questions is a distraction. Too much to lose. Every day. Not a day goes by.
But, I should be laughing, right? You always (ALWAYS) were lecturing me about taking things too seriously and letting the wrong people in and keeping too many people out; that secret code “LEARN THE WAVE!” You had so many secret codes with so many people, that was your most important gift – that you knew the codes – and didn’t judge them, just lived them.
You will be glad to know that the other night, while I was having a breakdown in the middle of the night about away-ings and wavings and such – your A knew to call me, and by the end, both of us segued from weeping ridiculous taking ourselves too damned seriously sadsacks into laughing out-of-control full-body unable to breathe with it red-faced trying not to pee ourselves good hysteria.
I’m going to laugh again today like that – because that’s what you’d want – because, I love and miss you still, and am busy like crazy STILL trying to learn how to wave.