#justinbieber naked…and why is Google my only stalker?…

Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

Here’s the thing. I have had the same messenger bag/backpack for almost 10 years. I loved that bag. It was PERFECT for me. Its combination of inside/outside pockets was IDEAL. It has long been deteriorating and finally, this weekend, the main flap/closure thing just completely disintegrated. I admit, I cried a little.

So, I needed a new one. Okay. I decide I will browse through Zappo’s and see if I can find one JUST LIKE IT. Well, no, I couldn’t. Not only could I NOT find one just like it – but the ones I wanted – ANY of the ones I wanted – were ridiculously expensive – I mean, like this one_

bedstu parker bag zappos

RIDICULOUS – $115. Oh my. Or worse – the ones I clicked on that were 300+ dollars. WTF? I mean, 1) I don’t make a lot of money house and pet sitting and trying to get published, and 2) I am really, really frugal – capital F – Fucking Frugal. As in – I HATE spending money on anything but books. HATE.

In any event, long story short: I looked up the brand name on my dead bag and Googled and ended up at Target where I was told that the bag I thought I could live with – because it cost $30 – was on sale for $18 and available at the Frederick store. I went. ALAS, it was NOT on sale. But, I asked the check-out clerk and she told me to take it up to the service counter and share my on-line sale price and don’t you know that without even verifying, the fellow gave it to me for the sale price! I should have said $10. Of course, I’d have suffered endless guilt ever after had I done so.

Okay, so, the bag does NOT have inside zip pockets for pens and phone and change and such – which my old one did and which I really REALLY miss – but, you know – $18? SCARY THING?!? Ever since then, I am getting ads on sites I visit for MESSENGER BAGS – and not just from Zappo’s – and it is FREAKING ME OUT.

Look, I KNOW Google knows everything I do and everywhere I go and I could give a shit. But, I DO wish they would be a tiny bit more subtle about it. Getting ads popping up at me on Towelroad for things I have looked at on-line, well, it just feels really – I don’t know – scary big-brother-ish.

And, honestly, I mean, couldn’t I have like a “REAL” stalker? I mean, I can’t even get a text or an email from people who supposedly like me – so – a stalker might be okay – but not fucking Zappo’s. Jesus. Even my stalkers have an agenda of wanting something from me. Oh well – if Zappo’s is like everyone else – soon as they get that there’s nothing they can get from me and nothing I can do for them – they’ll disappear.

SO- ZAPPO’S – LISTEN – I HAVE A BAG NOW. Albeit, yes, Towelroad and Zappo’s I would MUCH PREFER the hundreds of dollars worth of Fossil bag – but – uhm – $18 at Target. No inside pockets. You deal. Right?

BIEBER 0811-justin-biever-article-wm-naked-tmz-6BIEBER 0811-justin-biever-article-wm-naked-tmz-5

(pictures are by way of TMZ)

On a lighter note; Justin Bieber serenaded his Grandma on Thanksgiving. Naked. And let someone take pictures. Yes. It’s true. That boy never ceases to amuse me. This story on the heels of the one where he sicced his body guards on someone over a bow tie? I mean. Yikes. He needs someone to watch over him and guard him from this sort of thing – a mentor – a guide. I’ve done this sort of thing before. I’ve been counseling people for years. For free – well – unless you count the FUCKING PRICE I’VE PAID IN BROKEN HEART AND ANGST AND – oh – sorry – feeling a little – whatever – anyway – Look, I’m NOT busy – and – you know – if Justin would promise to keep me in Fossil bags and every so often serenade me when he’s butt-naked, I’d work cheap. I still think we’ll see the dick-pic and sex tape by the end of this year. Oh, Justin.

2 thoughts on “#justinbieber naked…and why is Google my only stalker?…

  1. Noooo! The Bieber is haunting me.

    If only you had been in Dave’s seat at Book of Mormon in NY with me, you could have bonded with Scooter Braun, and the boy’s life could be changed.

    Sorry about your bag.

    love you.

    • Hahahaha! Oh, if only! No worries about my bag; it lived a long, full life of faithful service; it got to stay with me at the Algonquin and spent the summer with me Off-Broadway too! It shared some of the best years of my life and it was ready to go; I just had to allow it to do so – as you know, NOT EASY for me! But, my new bag – bargain bag – despite its lack of inside pockets (LOL) – well, I am trying not to let it know how much I miss the other. I need to give it a chance. We need to get used to each other.
      Love you toooooo, dear.

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