. . . am i repulsive . . .

I was watching THE BIG BANG THEORY, which I do because all my relatives with whom I live love the show, and it does have some very funny lines. One I heard tonight that made me laugh out loud for about five minutes:

“I had an epiphany, not a stroke.”

I think it would have been funnier had it been, “I had an epiphany, not a lobotomy.” Because that has a better rhythm. But, neither here not there, what I am wondering is – am I horrifyingly ugly? Why is it that these two pics:


would make people NOT want to meet me? I know I’m not Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Anderson Cooper, or, even, Howie Mandel, but, am I so repugnant? I mean, apparently, I am. I can’t even keep track of the rejections. Which, actually, makes sense, as the only people who were ever even vaguely attracted to me always wanted it kept on the dl. Jesus. I wish it didn’t matter to me, but it does. And what the hell does “masculine” mean? When people ask me that, or want me to label myself, I got no time for them. Or that. Ridiculous. I always ask, “Human?” People make me sick. Humanity is a mess.

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