Who’s Been Sleeping In My Bed? (And trolling my email?) #RussellTovey

Today’s entry is really little more than another attempt to get a literary agent and Russell Tovey – not necessarily in that order and not that either seems – at this point – particularly likely – BUT SOON IT WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY, so, a man’s gotta dream.

My BOYFRIEND, Russell Tovey

My BOYFRIEND, Russell Tovey

Last night, long around half past just enough wine and debauchery to make me feel like the heavily foreshadowed late mid-section of a minor Paul Bowles story, I sent out a text and an email to a few of my closest and dearest friends, the purpose of which action was to suggest we make a MegaBus day trip to see Jason Robert Brown’s new Broadway musical, The Bridges of Madison County (CLICK HERE FOR LINK), and Terrence McNally’s new Broadway play, Mothers and Sons (CLICK HERE FOR LINK), starring Tyne Daly and Bobby Steggert, the latter of whom happens to be from Frederick and for who’s closing night of the musical, Big Fish, one of these Tweeted/emailed closest and dearest and I sat in the front row, weeping, and before and after the show and during intermission had Tweeted our love and support at Mr. Steggert and Big Fish, relentlessly, to which Big Fish responded, although Mr. Steggert ignored us, despite which fact I STILL want to see this new show and I want to see it with my friends and I want to do it during my birthday month.

However, that almost 200 word sentence is NOT the point of this entry. The point is, this morning, having avoided the tragic-end of a Paul Bowles short story (well, today anyway) and continuing along the arc of inevitable declension into spiritual and emotional desuetude as required in a Jane Bowles story, thus living to sort-of see, half-numbed, another day, I began my morning web troll only to be confronted assaulted accosted greeted abused met by ads EVERYWHERE for the shows I’d mentioned in my Tweet and email.

My HUSBAND, Russell Tovey

My HUSBAND, Russell Tovey

So creepy. But you know me, Mr. Positive. If every email and Tweet I write and every website I visit is going to be mined for my personal information so that I might be better marketed to, well then, I shall have to make CERTAIN that I supply information that will ultimately result in me being confronted assaulted accosted greeted abused met by ads and content in which I am really interested. So . . . here goes . . .

  • Oh, look friends; a literary agent ANSWERED MY QUERY AND ACTUALLY WANTS TO READ MY ENTIRE NOVEL.
  • Oh, look friends; I have managed to get enough jobs that I STILL HAVE TIME TO WRITE (and debauch) and yet ALSO HAVE ENOUGH STEADY INCOME TO AFFORD MY OWN LITTLE HOME SOMEWHERE!
  • Oh, look friends; I’M GETTING FREE ADVANCED READING COPIES of GOOD BOOKS and PRESS TICKETS to BROADWAY SHOWS and SAMPLE CASES OF NICE RED WINE because my blog – HEREWEAREGOING – has SO MANY FOLLOWERS and HITS!

    My lover, Russell Tovey, after one more satisfying and exhausting session of passionate sex

    My lover, Russell Tovey, after one more satisfying and exhausting session of passionate sex

  • Oh, look friends; really hot twenty-something guys are throwing their naked selves at me as if I were gay-famous like EDMUND WHITE or TENNESSEE WILLIAMS or MICHAEL CUNNINGHAM (an advance copy of his new novel, The Snow Queen, would be GREAT! Or, you know, even, if I too could get cozied up to JAMES FRANCO like he did – yeah, James Franco being my sexy graduate student straight-boy fuck-buddy would be REALLY GREAT! Me getting to see James Franco naked because he so admired my writing PUBLISHED after I got that LITERARY AGENT and SO MANY BLOG FOLLOWERS and everyone wanted my spin on the CULTURAL ZEITGEIST, right? Which got me James Franco’s dick? RIGHT? Okay – Evan Peters, then?) or PAUL and JANE BOWLES.
  • Oh, look friends; this time when I go to see Mothers and Sons, Bobby Steggert Tweeted me back, or, you know, acknowledged I was alive.

    My long-distance lover-husband-boyfriend who hasn't met me yet, Russell Tovey, keepng me happy with Twit-Pics

    My long-distance lover-husband-boyfriend who hasn’t met me yet, Russell Tovey, keepng me happy with Twit-Pics

  • Oh, look friends; ATTRACTIVE BIG PENISES. AND MID-PRICED BOTTLES OF RED WINE! (I had to. A man has to debauch. SPEAKING OF WHICH – James Franco and Evan Peters would be great – REALLY – but, on further contemplation, if I’m going to be presented offers for things and people about which I write – I have this to say: RUSSELL TOVEY. RUSSELL TOVEY. RUSSELL TOVEY NAKED. RUSSELL TOVEY HAVING SEX WITH ME. RUSSELL TOVEY IN LOVE WITH ME. RUSSELL TOVEY STALKING ME. RUSSELL TOVEY INFINITY. RUSSELL TOVEY AND CHARLIE SMITH DATING AND HAVING THREE-WAYS WITH DOMINIC COOPER. )

Okay, do something with those, you web-trolling-personal-communication-data-mining-bots. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE ADS!

Happy weekend.